Recently I wrote about Jones Cola’s new Tofurky & Gravy soda, and how it was a vegetarian-friendly update on Jones’ wildly popular Turkey & Gravy holiday limited edition soda – which never had any “meat juice” in it to offend in the first place. Well, writing that post got me wondering… WTF is this “Tofurky” stuff anyway and why would I (or anyone) want to eat it?

Tofurky is a trademarked meat substitute owned & manufactured by Turtle Island Foods. Kinda odd that the company that makes a meat substitute has in its name a creature often used as meat, but that’s by the by. Turtle Island’s blend of wheat gluten (also known as “seitan”) and organic tofu has been coaxed into a number of meatless meats including deli slices, burgers, franks & sausages and beef(less) jerky called – wait for it – “Jurky”. Turtle Island covers all the bases by stating that their milieu of near-meats are not only certified by the Vegan Society, but also kosher-certified by the Kosher Supervision of America.

Vegan Jews rejoice, at last you’ve got something to celebrate – and to celebrate WITH. Anyway, the centerpiece of Tofurky cuisine is undoubtedly the Tofurky Roast. Designed to take the place of the traditional stuffed fowl in Thanksgiving and other multi-course dinners, Tofurky Roasts resemble short fat Pogo pops sans stick and with a two-level inner structure: a pale seitan/tofu blend on the outside to replicate light turkey meat and a central “real” stuffing made from herbs, mushrooms and wild rice. The whole shebang is wrapped up in a disposable casing that takes over where unsavory, icky turkey skin leaves off. Served to a group of hungry guests, vegan or not, a Tofurky Roast is sure to satisfy even the most rabid carnivore… though what comes to mind is that old Loony Tunes cartoon in which Bugs Bunny tricks Taz the Tasmanian Devil into eating a faux rabbit made of bubble gum.

Maybe it was a turkey and not a wascally wabbit – hey, I said it was an old cartoon – but the result is the same: a less than gourmet experience for a character whose main characteristic is that he eats anything and everything with crazed glee.

As for Tofurky and its turkey wannabe, the Tofurky Roast, I haven’t tried it but I’ll assume it tastes better than baked bubble gum. Really though, why bother? Atheists don’t pretend to go to church; conscientious objectors don’t play shoot-em-up video games for the vicarious thrill of the fake kill. Do vegans really want to take part in a traditional meat-centered feast starring an imitation stuffed & roasted BIRD? I guess they do – Turtle Island Foods has grown from a one-man startup in 1980 to one of America’s largest and most respected organic food companies. You can’t argue with success and success leads to Thanksgiving… served with turkey or Tofurkey.

And we love Steve Levenstein for his interesting insights about Tofurky. Happy thanksgiving to all our savvy readers and please convey my wishes to your families and friends.